Even In My Dark Times, I Still Find Light

I got into photography by accident in 2010. And I’m glad it happened. I feel it saved my life.

After I picked up a camera I became obsessed. I’m someone who likes learning new things. But most importantly, I’m someone who enjoys creating for the hell of it. It’s all I’m good at.

Photography pulled me out of a really bad depression.

That’s a story for another time. But the point I wanted to make in this post is that photography deep down still keeps me out of depression.

It numbs me in a good way. It forces me to think about moments. I feel things much deeper when I’m in the moment and taking a picture. And ultimately, that’s why I take pictures. It’s because in the moment, I’m feeling something and I want to document it and keep it to remember.

About 90% of the time, the photos I take are because I want to remember good things. For me, it’s this ongoing reminder of what to live for.

So when I find myself not taking as many pictures, I know something is wrong.

This has been something I’ve never really talked about publicly. This is also something that I feel people who are close to me also don’t understand.

I haven’t been picking up the camera lately.

However, I have noticed that when I’m out and about, the times where I do pick up the camera and take pictures is when I’m with my best friend and typically at his place of business, Ventura SATX. And this makes a whole lot of sense since it’s mygetawayy when I’m in San Antonio. Mikey is my best friend and even in my dark times, I still find light to photograph and want to remember. And his girl, Dani, is pretty awesome as well.

My New Years Eve On 2018

This year, we ventured off of our normal traditions. Life has been weird this year for me. Lots of new transitions and things to go through. I had a really busy wedding season this past fall and I was in literal constant work-mode and travel-mode.

We didn’t have our little one this year. We also never really get drunk on new years eve since we have to drive. And I also wanted to be closer to my dad and also give him the peace of mind that we were going to be safe by just walking to my best friend’s bar from his place.

Oh yeah, I guess I should’ve mentioned that when we’re in San Antonio, we stay with my dad. So we were able to get drunk (me more so than Amanda Lol) and walk back to my dads. We stayed safe and had fun. We’ll see what next year holds since we’ll have our little next time.

I made short quick cut video throughout the night that you can check out below. Along with some photos taken that night. Some with my Fuji X Pro 2, some with my iPhone X, and one with my wife’s iPhone 8.

The video was made with Spark camera. The Fuji photos were edited in Lightroom Classic CC with my own presets, and the iPhone photos were edited on Lightroom Mobile with my own presets.

Daydreaming About The Possibilities Keeps Me Happy

A few days ago we fell asleep with the window open. I woke up feeling cold and a little congested. I had felt like I might be getting sick. By the evening yesterday, I was beginning to feel better. This morning though, I woke up feeling sick. Maybe it was a bad idea to have that beer during my meeting with a new couple last night. I was just having a lot of fun talking with them.

Anyhow, this weekend we get Ethan. We were supposed to meet halfway in Austin to pick him up, but he too sounded like he was getting sick. Plus, we recently found out he’s allergic to cats and we didn’t want to make things worse for him with Nermal. I’ve also been in and out of bed all day and didn’t feel up to being in a car for a long drive.

So, Amanda is staying the weekend with Ethan in San Antonio and I’m here in Waco sick in bed. I won’t lie. I’m sad I won’t see Ethan this weekend, but I’m doing my best to not focus on that. It is what it is.

Waco isn’t fun. The traveling isn’t fun, but we (fingers crossed) move back to San Antonio mid 2020. We’ve even been looking around online at houses to start daydreaming/getting an idea of possibilities when we move back to San Antonio. And that makes me happy. The thought of all of us being back together at the same time without miles between us. And in a city where all our family and friends are. That. That makes me happy.

What I’m Grateful For In 2018

6 years ago, I met my now wife. And little did I know that my life would change a lot and also for the better. I’ve never wanted kids of my own. That’s a whole other story. However, she did have a 1 year old and there I was stepping into becoming a stepdad and first time parent.

I was so scared. I was never good with kids. Part of the reason I never want/wanted kids of my own is/was because it’s a big responsibility. I’d never really been good at responsibility. I always tended to do what ever I wanted to do.

I was just coming off from being an emotional wreck. At that time, I had just gotten over depression about my purpose in life. I was frustrated with everything that was going on with me. I was tired of working a 9-5 job I hated. I was tired of the terrible relationships I was attracting in my life. One day on my lunch break, I sat in my car and wrote out all the qualities I want in someone I’d want in my life. The next day, I met Amanda. That was the first time I realized that whatever you focus on, you’ll attract.

Except, having a child wasn’t in my list. Haha. But you gotta trust what life throws at you sometimes.

Anyhow, this photo popped up in my memories on my Facebook and it brought back so many memories.

This was the very first Thanksgiving that I had shared with both Amanda and Ethan. I had only known Amanda and Ethan a few months.

Becoming a stepdad has pushed me to become a better person for myself, for Amanda, and for Ethan. I still don’t want a child of my own, but Ethan, he’s still my little dude and I care for him as if he were my own.

I guess the main thoughts that were going through my mind when I saw this picture was, “Damn Anthony, you’ve really grown up a lot since then.”

I’m grateful for a lot of things, but my family is one thing I’ll always be grateful for. I truly don’t know where I would be right now emotionally if it weren’t for them in my life.

My Crazy Travel Life

In the midst of non-stop work. I realized that I hadn’t shared a preview from Jess and Trent’s wedding a few weeks ago over on Instagram and Facebook. I’ve been focused on working on weddings in order to make sure I get everyone their photos as quickly as possible. Plus, with holidays coming up, I don’t want to fall behind.

It’s been full on madness like it always is this time of year. But in a good way. I fucking love what I do. It’s seriously a rush of energy. And compared to last year when I was adjusting to the driving back and forth throughout Texas, this year, I’ve got shit down. It’s normal life to me now.

Today though, my body is feeling it. I’m packing up my bags and gonna drive from San Antonio to Waco. Gonna check on the cat, maybe eat, and then make my way up to DFW this evening to pick up Amanda from the airport. She’s been in Atlanta for a conference. Then tonight, we head back to Waco. I mapped it out. I’ll be driving over 450 miles today.

Tomorrow, I’m making it a point to focus on myself. Gonna take it easy. Maybe take a bubble bath, exercise, meditate, and overall not work much other than emails and tiny admin stuff. The day after it starts back up with more editing, meetings, and prepping to drive to next week’s wedding in just a few days.

That’s really what I’m getting at with this. I love what I do. I work my ass off and pretty much don’t stop. But the key to maintaining this non-stop lifestyle is to take some time to stop and recover before burn out sets in. It’s important to me that I take care of my body. Otherwise, I can’t be at my full potential for my job, my clients, and my family.

For those of you who work for yourself, please make sure you take at least a day for yourself and your health. Never feel guilty for this. It helps you continue to do your best. And if you’re a wedding photographer like me, you can’t request a sick day off on a wedding day.

Deer Vibes Photos

This past weekend I finally got a chance to see Deer Vibes perform after not seeing them for about a year or so. That day, I had been assisting another photographer’s wedding. Luckily, it ended early. And since I didn’t have a camera bag or memory cards to worry about, I managed to make it just in time to see them. And like always, I snapped a few photos with my Fuji X-Pro 2.

Afterwards, I had a beer with everyone and even met someone who has been following me on Instagram. I handed her my camera and asked her to take a few photos of me. And I also handed it over to another friend of mine. I guess what I’m trying to say is that if I’m in the photo, I didn’t take it. Lol. I just wanted to share these memories from that night.

Creating Art For The Hell Of It

12-14 years ago, I used to be into design. I stopped after I got into photography. This year I’ve been re-visiting my design skills for the hell of it. I created this recently. I made it from a photo I just took on my iPhone. Creating is my escape.

The Oddest Thing I’ve Seen In A Thrift Store

Every now and then I’ll go with my wife to the thrift store. Most of the time I’m bored out of my mind, but sometimes you find some interesting things. Like this for instance. Lol.

Now that I’m making this website/blog my personal hub, I can totally see myself sharing more of this kinda stuff here. I feel like I had this really big a-ha moment cause for the past 6 months I’ve pretty much not been posting to my personal Facebook. It’s boring to me. But stuff like this what I would typically post. And now I have a home for these!

And cause I want my Instagram feed to be primarily portfolio worthy images, wedding or personal, I now have a hub for posting this weird photos or not so great photos. I’m so excited about this blog!

Bringing Back This Site

This site hasn’t ever really been a thing. I’ve own the domain name for as long as Anthony Gauna Photo, I think.

I never wanted it to be my main photography website cause I already have my other site as that. However, I’ve been realizing I need another place to post personal blog posts. I’ve been wanting a bit of separation between my wedding photography posts and other things.

And now that I kind of do quite a bit, I now feel that bringing this site to life finally will allow me to summarize who I am.

I want to personal photos here, share photography education article here, the podcast, lifestyle posts, and everything in between.

Because I would randomly use this website for well… random stuff in the past, there are a couple of old posts here. But from now on, if you want to keep up with anything related to me, you can do so here!

And if you want to keep up with my wedding photography work, you can do so at Anthony Gauna Photo.