For me lately, emotionally… it’s been tough.
I feel like I rarely see Amanda these days since she’s busy a lot with school. And when I’m busy, she’s not. The past two days I’ve found out a few things about myself.
Deep down inside… I do what I do for my family. Not myself. The reason I work hard… it’s for my family. Amanda and Ethan. And I don’t take pictures necessarily for myself. I mean, I do of course. But deep down inside… I take pictures for people because I care about them. I really don’t give a crap about myself. I just want to help out others who mean the world to me.
My clients allow me to take care of my family. And I love my family… That’s why I work hard.
There’s some days where I want to give up. Especially on the days that I rarely see Amanda. Because in that moment, I feel like there’s nothing to work hard for. When I feel alone… I don’t care about anything. There’s nothing to work towards. That’s what it feels like to me in those moments. But that’s fucked up… And I know it. I had to get myself back to reality today.
I took a huge step back to think about it all.
There’s many things going on in my mind. A lot of it is the fact that I want to branch out a bit more. I feel that the photography part of my life is where I want it to be. I have the clients that I fucking LOVE to work with. And now I want to focus on myself. I want to better myself… Why? Because I want to inspire others out there to do whatever the fuck they want to do. I want others to follow their dreams. I want them to tackle them. And that’s the next step in my life. My life revolves around helping others. I have many different things I want to do and write and I don’t know where to start. Something that didn’t cross my mind until literally right now as I’m typing, is writing posts or a book regarding being a stepdad. Something regarding my experience, ways to cope, ways to be a father figure when you yourself don’t have a child of your own. Hmm…
As with all my entries on here, I have no idea where this was going. I just like writing what’s on my mind at the moment.
A few days ago, we went out with a friend of mine who was in town, and she took family photos of us. I can’t wait to see them and frame some more of them! But these photos are some that I took during that time. Just those in between moments.
This is my life. This is what I love. This is why I do what I do. This is the only way I know how to express myself.