I literally can not remember the last time I posted to my personal blog. I had basically abandoned it for a few years. Then, earlier this year, I deleted a bunch of old posts, moved some to my main photography website, and then deleted my entire website in hopes of liking Squarespace because I thought it would be affordable. But I was wrong. Plus, I just missed being used to WordPress. So I found a reasonably priced hosting company and began rebuilding my personal home on the internet. I really should be treating this site much more kindly as well as myself.

And I guess that’s what stirred up this first post.

I used to love to go out and take photos of whatever the fuck. Usually was just some photos from me hanging around somewhere with friends, going out, or just random stuff. I can literally trace back when it all stopped… fucking Covid.

That time of life was the worst and I feel it took away so much from me. So much in my life and our lives changed. And mine felt so lonely and different.

Lately… I feel more lonely than ever before. It’s this combined feeling of looking back on the past pre-Covid, feeling like I was on a path to finding myself, having it all taken from me during Covid, stripped of my identity, friends and colleagues disappearing (except the true OG’s), and now currently finding out that maybe I didn’t actually know myself to begin with. I’ve always been caught up with finding ways to fit in.

And yet at the same time, deep down, I feel I know who I am, but struggle to feel that most people know who I am. More than I ever have before, I FINALLY am working on leaning into my full, complete, and authentic self.

For the past month or so, I’ve been doing a ton of self-reflecting. And it keeps expanding into a-ha moments. And I’m going to keep following that path.

I’ve been in a funk for a few days and out of the blue yesterday, one of my good and deer (yes, deer and not dear / if you know, you know) invited me over to his place to hang out while he worked on recording some new songs. First off, it was nice to hang one on one cause we hadn’t in quite a while. Life sucks that way. But secondly, it was the first time I felt like my familiar self. The one I forgot about.

And that lead me to sitting here, writing this, and sharing thoughts and photos like I used to do and enjoy on this very blog.

I miss the days of blogs and even early social media. And so, even if it’s just for me, I want to post a bit more frequently when I can or when I get the feeling to post to social media. I want this to be my first spot. I want this to be what used to be my LiveJournal. Lol. Dude, remember that? Fuck. I wonder if there are WordPress themes that look like LiveJournal. Lol.

Anyway. Hey. Hi. Hello. How’s it going. Thanks for being here. For reading. Whatever. Here’s some photos I took yesterday. As always, black and white are my favorite.